I feel like I am caught in a storm right now. My thoughts whip around me at 40 miles per hour. The clouds are about to cave in at any moment. There is a possibility of grave danger. My chance to head to the hills is running out. Still, I am filled with excited energy to see how this all will turn out.
This wedding may just give me a heart attack. I love my lists. I love my details. Honestly, I despise this planning. I am not a decisive person. This is the last job I want. Out of all the decisions I have made the only one that counts is that I want to be with Michael forever. I didn't expect that decision to leave 100 different decisions with it. I have been trying to stay positive, but I have so many doubts.
There is a rainforest population of monkeys that are latched to my back. Decision after decision and talking about my decisions has dulled my enthusiasm with this wedding. I think all my work has especially been wearing me thin. I work to save for the wedding, but I have lost so many social nights with the people who I love and care about. I am even missing half of this Easter Sunday to work. The additional stress of finding a place to live is killing me. We are ready to have our own place together, but it doesn't look like it will happen any time soon.
This is definitely not my most tactful post, I am sure. It really has been all "oh woe is me". My heart has been heavy lately. Please do not worry though. I am just ready to spend everyday with my soulmate, building a life together. He has been the greatest friend to me. He comforts me as well as fuels my dreams and passions in life. I just want to be with him. Right now I have hurdles to cross before I can do that. I have tripped a few times, but I have to keep running. I will get to my wedding day no matter how improbable it feels. As rough as the past year has been I am still finding hope.
As selfish this post is, I know that I cannot do much without all of the amazing and wonderful people we have around us. I am always so blessed and inspired by so many beautiful souls. It is time to fine tune my heart strings and stop dragging my feet. I need this wedding to happen, because it is going to be awesome.
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